05/18/2007

Happy 5-month birthday Emery! Yes, can you believe that this ordeal has been 5 months long? It feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time. Preemies are difficult, and with them come a host a complications, and as I sit here 5 months later than the day this started I feel battered, bruised, and somehow a little more at peace than when I began. I at least have acceptance now about Emery being kept in the hospital. They are keeping him alive. I'm terrified of assuming that responsibility at some point. I pray I'm up to the challenge when the time comes. I called this morning to find out how his night was and for the first time in days I'd heard he had a great night. He slept the whole way through, never woke up for a diaper change, barely fussed when the nurse suctioned his tube, and his oxygen stayed at a solid 50% all night. Yes, it's a far cry from his 40% but at least it stayed the same. He seemed comfortable last night, although he did sleep the entire time. The NNP last night said to not be overly concerned about his oxygen needs because he's going to be on oxygen a long time anyway, and she said that as far as Emery was concerned from a respiratory standpoint it might just take a while for the nitric to work again. The first time he was put on it he was intubated and on the vent so the nitric went directly into his lungs. Now, he's on CPAP so some is escaping out of his mouth. And, at some point he's got to get off of it. Whether he comes home trached or on nasal cannula, he can't come home on the nitric. Anyway, I forgot to mention that my tubby buddy weighs 9 pounds 10 ounces! He's 7 times his birth weight now. He's a real wiggly, pink baby who cuddles and fusses and cries and snuggles. I realized he's made it so far from the days that we couldn't even touch him and those 2 whole months that we couldn't hold him, and best of all ... I get to see him again tonight!