01/29/2007

Very little to report today. The nurse last night started getting nervous because Emery had over 100 gm of weight gain and his blood pressures were wide-spread again, which means there is either an infection or the PDA is open. The docs today gave him a diuretic to get rid of some extra fluid. His lab values showed no evidence of an infection. It is day 7 of uneventfulness and I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. I ask that those of you who are praying for Emery to keep praying for his PDA to stay closed and for his lungs to heal. Erik and I were prayed over on Sunday, and the woman said she saw Jesus standing over Emery touching his chest. I do hope every day for a miracle. I call every day hoping I'll hear one. Maybe the miracle is that it's been 7 uneventful days. Maybe the miracle is I cried only once today. I just hope his lungs can heal a little. The heart issue was never that big of a deal to me because a PDA is common in preemies as well as PDA ligation. About 50% of preemies with PDAs get ligations. It's the lungs that are the problem. There are no surgeries to fix lungs. Patience and time is the only thing that fixes lungs, and patience never was my virtue.

Someone sent this to me today. It's an essay by Erma Bombeck. The Special Mother

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit. This year thousands of mothers will give birth to a premature baby. Did you ever wonder how mothers of preemies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger. “Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew. “Forest, Majorie, daughter. Patron saint, Ceceila. “Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint... give her Gerard. He’s used to profanity. Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, “Give her a premature baby.” The angel is curious. “Why this one, God? She’s so happy.” “Exactly, “ smiles God. “Could I give a premature baby a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.” “But does she have patience?” asks the angel. “I don’t want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she’ll handle it. “I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I’m going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that’s not going to be easy.” “But, Lord, I don’t think she even believes in you.” God smiles, “No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.” The angel gasps, “Selfishness? Is that a virtue?” God nods. “If she can’t separate herself from the child occasionally, she’ll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who comes in a less than perfect way. She doesn’t realize it yet, but she is to be envied. “She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says ‘Mommy’ for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. “I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.” “And what about her patron saint?” asks the angel, the pen poised in mid-air. God smiles. “A mirror will suffice.” Okay, I don't think I'm a patron saint but a very close friend told me that God gave Emery the choice of being the sick baby with us as parents or being the normal healthy baby of a drug addict/alcoholic, and Emery chose us.

Love you all, Sarah, Erik and Emery