02/04/2007

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and hope. I'm back up here today, and Emery hasn't quite turned the corner but he isn't getting any worse. The doctors have switched his antiobiotic coverage just a little to make sure that all of his germs are good and covered. His urine output has slowed down again, and of course it always worries me that the PDA is open again, but I'm not the doctor and I imagine they will manage to catch the PDA if it is open. I do worry about that because it means that Emery would have to be taken off of feeds, have the perc line put back in, and go back on the dopamine and hydrocortisone until the weekend when a surgeon could get here to repair it. And of course he'd have to be treated with Indocin again, which means it could possibly damage his kidneys. Plus, I don't know if a doctor will touch him because of his lungs. This is all pure speculation on my part. He actually seems to be doing okay. I do call a lot. It actually frustrates Erik. He says he can't stand to see me worry, and I think 'how can you not.' I guess nothing can be done, but I feel like if I worry then I won't be caught by surprise when the crap hits the fan, and now I'm starting to feel ashamed, like maybe I think about Emery too much. Who knows? I'm sitting upstairs in the family lounge and I can see downstairs to the park for the children's hospital. The children's hospital here is part of the Children's Miracle Network, and they do amazing stuff for kids here as you can obviously see with Emery. I realized as I looked outside with the ground covered in snow and the swingsets frozen that I will see this place in the summer and there will be kids outside shooting hoops with IVs, and then it hit me that the sun will come up again. So, as far as he is concerned there is very little to report. He's sick, a little irritable, but he's definitely not getting any worse. He's hanging in there. He's requiring more support on the ventilator and he had another blood transfusion today. He looks robust and healthy. I'll have to get some new pictures and post them. Happy superbowl! Love Sarah, Erik and Emery