05/08/2007

So, I went and got my nails done tonight. I don't know why. I just felt like primping. I have cared so little about my appearance lately that it seemed so out of character, but it was cool. I went to a place near our house where no one speaks any English, and the coolest part about it was that I didn't have to talk to anyone. I haven't really had the energy here in the last few days to talk about Emery. He's not doing bad by any means. He weighs 1 ounce shy of 9 pounds. His pressure was weaned from 14 to 13 and his nitric oxide was weaned from 4 ppm to 3 ppm. Those changes were done in one day, and his oxygen requirements went up only about 3% to 5% so he's tolerating it well for now. In fact, they aren't even going to do chest x-rays on him anymore unless he gets sick or starts oxygenating poorly. All in all, he's doing well. Not great, but not bad either, just about the same which in NICU terms is actually good. It's just that this has been so long and it's really wearing on us. Every day someone asks me when he's coming home, and I have no answer. It's not that I mind talking about Emery, I love talking about him. He's light in a dark place.... I just wish he was illuminating my house. Some days I don't know if I have the energy to muster to get through another day. We both feel so guilty for being home and working and not being with him there. It's so frustrating. Other parents get to go be with their kids and stay at RMH until their kids come home. We're sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place. It doesn't help that I've had viscious sinus headaches and an infection for the past 2 weeks. I've had antibiotics, and the doctors up in the NICU have assured me that sinus infections aren't contagious, but the headaches are driving me nuts. Erik is working on the house again this weekend. We just have to do the bathroom and paint and then it's time to try to sell it. We're at least trying to be prepared in case Emery ever does come home. I'm fairly certain we should just buy him a car so he can drive.