03/20/2007

Last update for the day. I ended up leaving earlier than usual because I just couldn't stop tearing up and I felt like an idiot. I really don't know if Emery will turn the proverbial corner or not. The hope is that the nitric oxide will help him oxygenate better and that in a few weeks we will see a change on his x-rays. His blood gases still are not great. I think his lungs are just finally getting the full effect of the BPD (I'm too tired to explain that one. You'll have to Google it, but no it's not borderline personality disorder.. though he is a little turd sometimes.) I just wanted to share a funny story with you all.

Last night I called up to the NICU, and I thought I dialed the nurse's direct extension. When she answered the phone I said "Hi, are you taking care of Emery tonight." She said, "No, I'm taking care of Eli..." Well, here's how it went down:

ME: "Hi, are you taking care of Emery tonight?"
NURSE: "No, I'm taking care of Eli."
ME: "Oh, I'm Emery's mom and I thought I was talking to his nurse. I was just wondering how he was doing."
NURSE: "No, I have Eli tonight. Do you want to know how Eli is doing?"
ME: "No, I don't really give a crap about Eli honestly."
NURSE:........... silence..............

It turns out... THERE IS ANOTHER EMERY IN THE NICU... WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO HAVE A TWIN BROTHER NAMED ELI.... What are the odds of two Emery's?!? I thought we had an uncommon name. The nurse must've thought I was the suckiest mother in the world when I told her I didn't give a crap about Eli. Hope his mother didn't call last night. Anyway, the doc mentioned something about maybe doing steroid bursts every 14 days now, but who knows. Emery is due for his next steroid burst in 3 to 4 days, but they might just see how the nitric oxide is doing... nitric oxide NOT to be confused with nitrous oxide used in dentistry. Though once Erik and I were going to demand a new dentist for Emery because a Patient Bill of Rights was plastered on the elevator door and it said we had the right to a new dentist any time we chose. I guess we have to cling to the hope that the damage will finally slow down and the new tissue will grow. I had this awful thought tonight that I was just going to tell them all to call me when Emery was dying so that I could just come back then because I couldn't handle seeing him struggle anymore. I know it's awful. It was just how I felt at the time. His nurse, Hope, though once again, told us not to give up on him. I'm not going to. Emery hasn't given up, so neither can we, but I'm so tired. I want my little chunk home cuddling with me, except that he hated it today but whatever. NICU day 92 and counting.