03/19/2007

I don't have much. I haven't been able to post mostly because I'm not really sure what's going on. Emery is not doing great but he's not doing bad either. Mostly it's been vent tweaks and constant blood gases and chest x-rays since that rebound last Wednesday. Erik finally got to give him a bath on Sunday, and I have been holding Emery, which he seems to truly love. He loves to be 'kangarooed.' I don't know if I explained that before or not, but he likes to lie skin-to-skin against my chest. He rests very comfortably and hardly desats, if at all, while I'm holding him that way. Plus, there is nothing better than snuggling close to your baby. Anyway, after it's all done, when the nurses and RTs put him back in bed he pretty much just lies there like a noodle he's so relaxed. It's good for him. He's up to 40 mL every 3 hours and tolerating it very well. He weighs 5 pounds 9 ounces. Emery grows well. I asked the nutritionist about getting him off the 30 k/cal formula which makes him so uncomfortable, but she said they have to keep Emery fluid restricted because of his sick lungs so he's stuck on that stuff for a while. I was worried about feeding him solids, and she said not to worry. The usually feed solids at a corrected gestational age and not the actual age for preemies and keeping him in breast milk is best... so a pumping I will go. I broke down and called Dr. A today. I know he's not the attending right now, but Emery just hasn't been doing well. His blood gases are all over, he has one lung expanded and one lung a little collapsed right now, and his oxygen requirements are running higher. It was sort a fluke that I got ahold of Dr. A anyway. I called some 1-800 number I found on the website and it gave me another doctor's office's secretary, and so I asked him if there was some way I could leave Dr. A a voice mail and they transferred me into him and he answered the phone. He reassured me as always. I just need to hear it. I'm so worried about Emmy. Dr. A just told me that he has dense lungs (which we knew) and the last 3 babies like Emery this year had to go through the same thing where it just took some time to soften the lungs up. He said he didn't think Emery's lungs were the worst he had seen (and he said this while looking at his chest x-rays) so I felt better. I just need to know that even though Emery is not great he's not the worst. I need reassurance. It's been a long time since someone said that to me, that they thought Emery would live and grow and be fine. Most just fast talk and confuse me. Emery has a funny personality, if anyone wants an idea of what he's like now that he's starting to establish himself. They have to put socks on his hands so he won't extubate himself, and when they swaddle him with his hands tucked in he somehow Houdinis his hands out and goes straight for the tube. He smiles a lot (whether real or fake, who cares), he loves to cuddle, and when he gets mad you know it complete with a shaking bottom lip and breath holding. He has large blue eyes and looks at everything, and he loves to suck on his binky. The funny thing is, if Erik or I hold the binky he will use his hand to hold our hand to hold the binky in, but he won't use his hand to hold it in. He had another eye exam and he is just at the point of progressing for ROP so they will be back next week.. ugh! That day of the eye exam, though, I got to hold him and while I held him he got his hands into tiny fists and rubbed his eyes. Emery is signed up to have cuddlers come in and hold him on Monday and Thursday. I didn't know if he would be able to have it since he hasn't been doing so well, but the doc said no problem so he must not be doing too bad. Keep him in your prayers! Oh, and keep us in your prayers. We found out we have to move to Iowa. Illinois' social service programs suck! Write your congressmen.