02/10/2007

I must confess I am alittle nervous to even write upon this most watched web page. right now sarah and i are in emerys room just watching him sleep. it has been awhile since we have heard an alarm or anything scary, but that is good. sarah just looked at his new x-ray and his lungs are far from perfect they do look better. there was a first today, i got to change his diaper while he was lying on his stomach. talk about difficult. by the was i will be offering an advanced fathering class when all of this is through. i do want everyone to know that this whole thing isnt always doom and gloom for us. take last night for instance. if you have seen the pictures of the boy you will notice the piece of tape over his upper lip. well, my thought is what a perfect place for a temporary mustach. while i was drawing it he kept moving which only made me laugh harder. its kind of like taggin the guy who fell asleep first. it was cool and we had laughs. God help the boy. on a more serious note i dont have all the medical mumbo but i do know i got to put my hand underneath his head for a while. it was as close as i have gotten to hold him. it was the coolest thing. right now his o2 is at 35% and he is doin fine. a miracle. i just got done reading some of the messages for the first time and it is humbling. i never realized God could bring so many people to our side to support us. at times we are angry with it all. then there are time we are scared of it all. we dont understand any of it. we get very frustrated when God doesnt give us exactly what we want. we want our boy perfect and healthy and home with us. we dont want to hurt over this any more. recently i read the crucifixion and ressurection story. i bet Jesus didnt want to hurt any more either, but i ask myself why He allowed it. love is the only thing that would motivate anyone to such a thing. and after, He was resurected to eternal glory. so when i think i cant take any more all i can do is ask God if it be His will to take this cup from me till then im not giving up on Him or anything else He put in my life. i still thank Him for my lovely wife. Istill thank Him every day for my beautiful son. till its done i will still pray Thy will be done not mine. A perfect Father gives perfect gifts so in a sense my life is perfect right now. thank you all for allowing me to express my heart.